Chock full O' Nuts

So.. Working for an executive, I always look forward to the annual parade of Holiday Gift Baskets, Gift Bags and other festive trinkets and what-nots that come (my)his way during the holiday season. This year however has been a particulary lean year for some reason or another. Blame it on the economy, blame it on my company's ever changing organizational structure this year and no body knows who to send anything to... but for whatever reason, It's been a lean year.
So you can imagine my delight when a big box shows up at my desk on Monday. I rush to open it and find the standard holiday fare of cookies, candies, and dried meats and I think to myself this is all going on the community table for all the office to share. I keep digging and low-and-behold, I hit the Mother Load! A 2lb tin of Fancy Mixed Nuts! Now I LOVES me some mixed nuts and these arent just any mixed nuts, They're FANCY mixes nuts... with no cheap a$$ peanuts filling up all the space in the tin. I determine right then and there that these are staying at my desk... ALL 2lbs of them.
So starting on Monday, I begin basking in the salty goodness of my fancy mixed nuts... Cashews... Almonds...Walnuts...Hazelnuts...Salt...Mmmmmmm!
and yesterday afternoon, I'm still wollowing in my salty goodness when I reach into the tin and realize, I am at the bottom already!

Impossible!(?)

I have somehow managed to single handely eat 2lbs of mixed nuts over the span of 3 day! I couldn't believe it! but of course this might explain why i havent been very hungry all week for lunch or for dinner! What it DOES explain though is how I came up with the title of this post after going to the bathroom these past couple of days! OY!

The Dreaded Office Holiday Luncheon

Today is the dreaded Office Holiday Luncheon where a select few of us here in the office decided that we don't spend enough time together as it is (8+ hours a day / 5 days a week) so we need to get together and all have lunch because it's Christmas Time!
To make the matter worse, I'm expected to go out of my way and buy a $10 gift card for someone whose name I drew out of a cup. In return, I should expect a $10 gift card from somebody who drew MY name out of a cup. Kinda defeats the purpose if you ask me.

We're leaving at 11:30.
Wish me Luck!

7 More Reasons to impose Guilt on your Soul!

As if the Catholic Church wasn't trying to make us feel guilty enough, they have now come out with 7 NEW Modern Day Sins to accompany the the original 7 Deadly Sins imposed on us by Pope Gregory the Great over 1,500 years ago. According to the Vatican, "It was time to modernize the list of mortal sins, the most serious of sins, to fit the changing world" ...How progressive of an organization that still doesn't allow women to be priest!
But before we get to the new Sins, let's recap the Original 7.
Lust
Gluttony
Avarice
Sloth
Anger
Envy
Pride

First of all, I'm not even sure I know what Avarice is. Secondly I find it amazing after reading those that the other 6 Sins can be checked off in one trip to the Golden Corral! For Example:
Lust - Seeing the Buffet! (ooooh!)
Gluttony - Eating the Buffet.(mmmm!)
Sloth - How you feel after eating the Buffet(uuugh)
Anger - How you feel after stepping on a Scale after eating the Buffet (Fuck!)
Envy - Skinny People eating the Buffet (Bitch!)
Pride - You still have room for dessert after eating the buffet! (WhooHoo!)

Pope Gregory obviously didn't know anything about a good buffet when creating that list.

Now, on to the New list of Sins for a Modern World.
1. Genetic Modification
2. Human Experimentation's
3. Polluting the Environment
4. Social Injustice
5. Causing Poverty
6. Financial Gluttony
7. Taking Drugs

According to the Vatican: A person who commits a mortal sin risk burning in Hell unless it's absolved through confession and penitence.
So, if I understand this correctly, does "Genetic Modification" mean that I'm going to hell because I colored my Hair in college? and if so, Will I see Oprah there for her Financial Gluttony? And does the Catholic church really have any legs to stand on when denouncing "Social Injustice" ? Gimme a Break!

Anywho... Since the Church decided it was time for a new list, I thought it was time for a list of my own.
Blanche's 7 Deadly Sins!
So Here goes...
1. Driving around in the year 2008 with a Kerry/Edwards bumper sticker on your car
2. Diagonal Stripped Shirts for Men.
3. $3.45 a Gallon Gasoline!
4. Wearing Flip-Flops in January
5. Wearing Flip-Flops.
6. Believing that contestants on Reality Dating shows are there to find "True Love"
7. Faux-Hawks!

So there they are. Blanche's 7 Deadly sins for a Modern Gay world.
Whether it's by my list, the new list or the original list of deadly sins, there's a good chance we're all going to Hell together.
See you when you get there and I'll save you a seat by the Lake.

I'm Back!

As if anybody really missed me...
Anywho, I'm back from my Blog vacation and as you can see, I did a little remodeling around here while you all were gone. I hope you like the new look!
So what's happened since we last talked?
Daylight Savings Time went into effect over the weekend. I was actually awake on Saturday night (Sunday morning?) and saw the clock on my cable box change from 1:59 to 3:00. I suddenly felt robbed of an hour!

Hillary made an impressive comeback (again!) with her wins in Ohio, Texas and Vermont last Tuesday! You Go Gurl! I especially enjoyed her speech Tuesday night in Ohio when she dedicated her win to everyone who has been counted out but refused to give up... Knocked down but kept fighting...This one is for YOU! Right on Sister! right on!

The Church lady (as I like to refer to her as) retired from AT&T on Friday. She was a sweet gal and largely resembled the Mrs. Beasley Doll from the 70's and 80's. She was however a Die-Hard evangelical republican who believed as strongly in the word of Rush Limbaugh as she did the word of God! She was not ashamed or shy to voice her values and beliefs either so it was no surprise that she and I butted heads early and often! I remember once during an election year, she went so far as to put out brochures and flyers on her desk supporting the local candidates who were Pro-Life and Anti- Gay Marriage so rather than complain to our H.R. Manager, I created my own flyers supporting basically the candidates who were opposing her candidates and personally delivered one of them to her!
After that incident (which landed BOTH of us in the HR Managers office) we agreed that there were certain topics that were off limits and we slowly developed a relationship that allowed us to work in harmony without ever bring up
religion and politics again. As our 10 years of working together went on, we eventually formed a friendship and relationship of deep respect and caring for one another. I am proud to have known her (as dingie as she was!) and I wish her nothing but the best.
Farewell Church Lady! There will never be another one like you (Thankfully!)and you will be missed!

Time Off!

Hey Kids!
I'm just letting you all know that I will be taking the week Off from this Blog.
Not to worry, everything is fine and I will be back on Monday, March 10th with all new exciting topics to discuss including a review of Dolly Partons new Album, Election results, and Bag lady Show preparations. And, we'll bring back the Atta Girl of the Week again!

Everybody have a good week!
See you back here on Monday!

Blanche

Shameless

The following is a response on the CNN message board to a story about the recent death of William F. Buckley. I ASSUME it's from an Obama supporter...

As an avid Obama supporter, an independent with liberal leanings, and a woman, I am sad to hear of William Buckley's death.

He was an intellect, a scholar and exactly the kind of conservative to lead intelligent discourse on many subjects. I usually did not agree with his opinions, but always found them thoughtful and provocative (in the best sense of the word).

I would like to think that Mr. Buckley was exactly the kind of person that Senator Obama would welcome into discussions when speaking of including diverse groups and opinions.

Am I the only one who thinks that this is a Shameless plug from an Obama supporter?

For some reason, these Obamanites remind me more and more of the old saying... "Dear Lord, Save me from your Followers"

I'm Mad as Hell...

I am just Fired Up this morning.
It's all because of the MSNBC Obama Orgy...er Democratic debate that occurred last night.
Keith Oberman use to be a favorite of mine but after watching him wallow in his own Obama spew last night he is quickly joining my list of self important assholes with the likes of Rush Limbaugh and Bill O'Riley.
It's one thing for an Obama supporter to join the panel and discuss his or her take on the events of the evening but when the host of the evening just flat out displays favoritism for one candidate and their dislike for the other, you really have to question the credibility of the Network. Save it for your own show Oberman!
Then there is Tim Russert... If he had been allowed to go on any longer with his list of hypothetical/what if questions I have no doubt we would have eventually gotten to whether or not we should retaliate if Monkeys started flying out of his Ass! (and i would have to vote yes!)

The fact is, The National media has been unfair to Hillary and made every attempt to beat her down like a rented mule! Much the same way the New York Times did to John McCain (after all, why would you endorse a candidate at the same time you were sitting on a story linking him with unethical lobbing practices and a sex scandal?...just asking?)

So yeah, I'm Mad as Hell and I'm going to do something about it. This morning, I gave money to www.hillaryclinton.com. I also started several pissing matches with the Obamabots on a few message boards and I signed up to make phone calls to the residents of Ohio on Hillary's behalf. I'm even trying to talk Fitness Nerd into going to Ohio this weekend to do some work for the campaign.

I have never felt as passionate about a candidate as I have this one and anyone with half a brain can clearly see that she is the most qualified and best equipped to take on this job. I get that some people just don't like her but a lot of people voted for George W. because they did "Like Him" and look what they got.
So, If you agree with me and feel the same way then I challenge you to step up today and take action in some way. Don't let the thought of You can't make a difference Matter!